Life Goes on
by sconroy36
Summary: This story is set in season 4 after Meredith finds out that Derek kissed Rose. Meredith leaves on vacation to paris. What if Meredith finds someone else who takes her breath away how will Derek react. Please read and review.
1. saying goodbye

**This story takes place in Season 4 right after Meredith finds out about Derek kissing Rose and she ends their relationship.**

**I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

**I hope you like this story and please review...**

**Chapter One**

_Meredith stood at the airport looking out the window. She was so torn apart she had finally convinced herself that her relationship with Derek would work out only to learn that he had once again let her down. Now she was finally, finally ready to forget all about him but she needed to get away to clear her head from all of the lies that she had believed that came from Derek Shepherd's mouth. She couldn't understand how one minute he could kiss Rose and the next minute make plans for building there dream house. The only thing that she was sure of was the vacation waiting ahead for her. Two weeks away from Seattle Grace Hospital would give her a chance a chance at leaving the past behind her._

_Christina watched Meredith pace the airport she didn't want Meredith to leave even though she would only be gone for a couple weeks she knew that her friend would be alone and wouldn't have anyone to lean on. She hated Dr. Shepherd for what he had done to Meredith once again._

"_Mer are sure you want to go away now. I mean you will be all alone and that scares the hell out of me."_

"_Look Christina everything is already planned out. Chief Webber agreed that some time away would help with all the pain that I am feeling. Plus I wont be alone there is a big tour group. It will be fun you know."_

_Meredith reached over and hugged her person the one person who has never let her down._

"_I will see you in two weeks. Don't say anything to Derek I don't want him to know that he drove me away. I need this time and I promise I will be ready to go to Joe's when I get back for a night out."_

"_Be careful Mer."_

_Christina watched as Meredith boarded the plane for Paris and just hoped that she would return in two weeks. She walked out of the airport and headed to the hospital it was only 6am and she hoped that she could avoid all the questions that were bound to come from all of the other Residents. _

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Derek got onto the elevator it was only 7am but he hoped that he could find Meredith he had to talk to her he had to make her understand that she was the only woman he wanted in his life. Rose meant nothing to him it was a lapse of judgment he had made a terrible mistake. The elevator stopped and Christina got on he thought it was weird that Meredith wasn't with her but figured that she may already be at the hospital. He quickly got off the elevator when it stopped and began his search for Meredith.

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* * *

_

Christina walked into the locker room and was instantly hit with the fact that she already missed Meredith. She quickly put her stuff away and was about to leave when Izzy and George walked into the room.

"_Hey have you heard from Meredith this morning? she was already gone when George and I got up"_

_Izzy knew something was up when Christina looked away._

"_Christina whats going on?"_

"_Look Meredith left this morning. She took two weeks off and headed to Paris. She needed time to figure everything out. She doesn't want Derek to know anything do you guys understand."_

"_Seriously she just left. Just like that without saying goodbye."_

"_Look Izzy she needed this and you need to stop acting hurt. She has been hurt bad a lot this year she didn't do it to hurt us."_

_Izzy knew that Christina was right she just wished that she could be with Meredith to help her through this heartache she was feeling. They left the locker room and went off in separate directions to get their work done._

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* * *

_

Derek had looked all day for Meredith and called her cell many times but hadn't reached her. He figured she was probably ignoring him and felt a stab of pain to his heart. He had Meredith and he lost her and now he didn't know if she would ever forgive him. He was about to leave the hospital for the day when he ran into Christina.

"_Dr. Yang do you happen to know where Meredith is? I need to talk to her its important." _

"_Seriously what could you possibly say to her now. Why don't you go find Rose I am sure she is looking for you. As far as Meredith stay away from her. Stop looking for her she doesn't want to see you."_

"_Dr. Yang I know that I messed up if I could only talk to her I would"_

_Christina started laughing cutting off Derek's words._

"_What would you do? What would you say? I know what you would say you would tell her that it was her fault that your lips happened to land on Rose's mouth. That is it isn't it; you try your hardest every time you mess up to put the blame on Meredith. Make her feel like she screwed up when the fact of the matter is that you hurt her time and time again. So no I don't think that you should talk to her I think you should leave her THE HELL ALONE." with those words Christina turned and walked away._

_Christina's words haunted Derek as he walked out of the hospital. He couldn't believe that she would act that way towards him. He never meant to hurt Meredith but knew that he had messed up. He got into his car determined to find Meredith tomorrow he would make her understand somehow he would win Meredith back._


	2. Brandon

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the Characters...**

**Well I hope everyone is enjoying the story. Please review..**

**Chapter Two**

_The next day was pretty much the same Derek couldn't find Meredith no matter where he looked he was beginning to wonder if she was even in the hospital. He was about to go to lunch when his pager went off. He headed down to the emergency room looking for Dr. Bailey._

"_Dr. Bailey you paged?"_

"_Dr. Shepherd I need you to do a consult on my patient. Darlene Simpson is a 42 year old woman who has been having headaches for a week straight and when she woke this morning her family said she had slurred speech. I went ahead and ordered a CAT scan and here are the results." Dr. Bailey handed him the folder. He looked over the results._

"_Dr. Bailey this lady is going to need to undergo emergency surgery it appears she has a Subdural Hematoma." he followed Dr. Bailey into the room._

_He walked over to the patient._

"_Mrs. Simpson this is Dr. Shepherd. He is the head neurologist." _

"_Hello Mrs. Simpson I looked over your test results and seems you have a Subdural Hematoma. We need to get you into surgery right now. Have you recently hit your head?" Derek asked._

"_No I don't think so. I would have remembered hitting my head that hard." she answered._

"_Actually Mrs. Simpson it could have been a little bump it doesn't take much to cause this type of injury." Derek answered._

"_So what exactly will you have to do" Mrs. Simpson said nervously._

"_Well it's quite simple we just have to drill a small hole into the skull. Since it is liquefield (which means old blood mixed with fresh blood) it should drain right out."_

"_Okay well I guess it has to be done."_

"_Okay well Dr. Bailey will get all of the paper work ready and I will see you in the OR. Okay." Derek squeezed Mrs. Simpson's hand and left the room. He waited outside of the room until Dr. Bailey was finished._

"_Dr. Bailey have you seen Meredith today?"_

"_No I haven't Dr. Shepherd. Now if you will excuse me I have to prep our patient for surgery." Dr. Bailey walked away._

_Derek watched her walk away and knew that Meredith wasn't at the hospital. He just needed someone who would tell him where she was at._

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* * *

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Meredith woke up after resting from her long plane ride. She was so excited to go sight seeing today but wished so bad that Derek was here with her. No, she wasn't going to ruin her vacation on him. This trip was to help her get over McDreamy. She quickly got dressed and walked out of her hotel room and headed down to the lobby to meet the tour guide.

_Brandon Bristow stood in the lobby waiting for all of his tour group. He had opened his own tour company six years ago. When he started out he was the only tour guide but now he had twenty employees. He loved to meet people and show them around the Country he loved so much. He looked around at the tourist and that is when he spotted her. She was staring off into space not paying attention to anyone around her. She was beautiful and he couldn't help but stare at her. He quickly walked over to her._

"_Hello I am Brandon Bristow your tour guide for the next two weeks. What is your name?" he asked._

"_Oh hello. Dr. Meredith Grey it's very nice to meet you." Meredith answered as she stared into his dark blue eyes. She couldn't help losing herself into his eyes. She quickly looked away._

_Brandon looked into her eyes as well and was excited for the first time all day when he realized he would be able to look into her eyes for two whole weeks._

_He quickly gathered the group together and introduced himself to the whole group. He kept looking over at Meredith. _

"_Okay I thought for your first day in Paris we would visit Concorde Square where the "Treaty of Friendship" was signed in 1778 between King Louis XVI and the 13 States of America. So if everyone is ready we shall begin the tour." Brandon waited until everyone was ready and then lead them out of the hotel._

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* * *

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During the surgery Derek kept glancing up at the gallery hoping Meredith would walk in. When the surgery was over he quickly washed up and headed out into the hospital determined to find Alex. He was hoping Alex would let him know where he could find Meredith.

"_Dr. Karev do you happen to have a moment." Derek asked._

"_Of course Dr. Shepherd. Is there something you need?" Alex asked._

"_I need you to tell me where I might find Dr. Grey."_

"_I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd I haven't seen Meredith in a couple days. Now that I think about it's strange that I haven't seen her. I haven't even seen her at the house."_

"_Seriously you haven't seen her?"_

"_No I'm sorry. Maybe you should ask Christina she would definitely know."_

"_I tried she wont tell me anything. If you ask her though she would probably tell you."_

"_Sure I will find out and let you know. But of course if she wanted you to know she would have told you." Alex added as he walked away._

_Derek knew that Meredith didn't want him to know but he had to find out. Dammit he couldn't apologize if he didn't find her. _

_Derek walked into the Chief's office._

"_Where's Meredith."_

"_Hello to you too Derek."_

"_You have to tell me where she is"_

"_Listen to me Derek. Meredith went away for awhile she needed time to herself. She told me that she wanted a break and I gave her one. She has been through a lot in the last year and you are the cause of most of the pain that she is experiencing right now."_

"_Well where did she go? I mean how could you just let her leave she is a resident. How can she just leave like that?"  
"Two weeks and she will be back. After all its better that she gets a break rather than giving up her dream of becoming a surgeon."_

"_Okay fine just tell me where she went to."_

"_Sorry Derek I can't do that. Just give her time she will be back."_

_Derek turned and stormed out of the office. Why did she leave how could she just walk away from her life. He knew that no one was going to tell him where she was at. He would just have to wait until she came back. _

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* * *

_

Meredith walked back into the hotel after her first tour of the city. She had been to Paris before but last time she didn't do the whole tour guide bit and was glad she had signed up this time. Paris was beautiful and there was so much to see. She sat down on the couch in the lobby and smiled as she saw Brandon head over in her direction.

"_So did you enjoy your tour today Meredith?"_

"_It was beautiful thank you so much."_

"_Well would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"_

"_I didn't know that you were taking everyone out to dinner."_

"_I wasn't just you. If you feel up to it"_

"_Yes I would love to have dinner with you then. What time?"_

"_How about I pick you up here at 6?" _

"_That would be nice thank you. It will also give me time to take a nap. I will see you at 6?" Meredith answered as she walked away. She was excited to have someone to eat with tonight that would definitely be better than eating alone. _


	3. Dinner in Paris

**Chapter Three**

_Meredith looked through her clothes trying to find the perfect dress for dinner. She felt guilty for having dinner with Brandon but she knew that it was just dinner. Anyways it's not like she has anyone to go home to Derek moved on with Rose. She closed her eyes as the pain came crashing in. It felt like a thousand needles stabbing at her heart. She had to get past this. why was it so hard to move on? She slowly laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. Images of Derek and his irresistible smile entered her mind. She loved the man so much why did she have to mess everything up once again; why did she have to be so unlike most women. She had the chance to be happy but now that chance was gone. It was her fault she had him and she let him go. No wonder he turned to Rose she didn't have the problems with commitment like her. She didn't drive Derek absolutely insane like she did. "Oh Derek how am I going to live without you." Meredith began to cry._

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* * *

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Derek lied awake in his trailer it was late but he couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get Meredith's face out of his mind. He knew he had hurt her but why did she have to leave. Why didn't she come to him and tell him that she was leaving. His life was in shambles and he had only himself to blame. He kept thinking about how happy she was when she came to him and wanted him to date her and only her. Why did he have to show her the plans for the house it was to soon. He basically pushed her away and he couldn't figure out why he done that. When he had kissed Rose he thought that maybe it would be easier to be with her. She wouldn't be dramatic there would be no rough roads with her. When Meredith broke it off with him he should have said something but for a moment he was relieved thinking that Rose would be safer for his heart. But here he was in pain over Meredith. "Please Meredith come home to me." Derek cried himself to sleep like a little baby who had lost his favorite toy.

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* * *

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Brandon sat in the hotel lobby waiting for Meredith to come down. He turned and his breath was taken away when he saw her walk over towards him. "Wow" she looked stunning in a red dress that came down to her feet. Her hair was loose with curls and she was positively stunning. He stood for the longest moment just taken back by her beauty. He felt like the luckiest man on the planet. She walked over to him and he gently took her hand and they walked out of the hotel.

"_You look absolutely stunning tonight." Brandon told her as they got into the cab._

"_Thank you so where are we having dinner at?"_

"_The Liza if that sounds okay to you." he asked_

"_Sounds great." Meredith replied as she stared out the window._

_The arrived at the Liza and ordered their dinner they ate in silence for the longest time._

"_So Meredith why don't you tell me about yourself."_

"_There is not much to tell. I am a first year resident at Seattle Grace Hospital. I just broke up with my boyfriend which is why I came to Paris. I needed time to clear my head."_

"_I'm sorry to hear that. Well you came to a perfect place to get over your ex. I am glad that you are here."_

"_Thanks"_

_They talked about life and he told her all about his tour company. They laughed a lot and Meredith began to relax. She didn't even think about Derek. After they finished eating they decided to walk back to her hotel instead of getting a taxi. She really enjoyed getting out and was glad to have met Brandon he seemed normal. She hadn't been out with anyone except Derek since Finn. She needed this and was smiling for the first time in days. When they arrived at her hotel Brandon lowered his head and gently kissed her. Meredith was about to pull away but suddenly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. After a couple minutes she pulled away. _

"_I'm sorry Meredith." he quickly replied._

"_No don't be that was nice." she smiled softly at him._

"_I'll see you tomorrow okay." he gently hugged her and walked away._

_She walked into the lobby daydreaming about the wonderful kiss. She started to feel guilty when she thought about Derek but quickly released the thought when she thought about Rose. He had moved on so she needed to as well. She headed to her room and quickly changed for bed. _

**Well that is the end of chapter three. I hope you are enjoying the story and please review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

**Thanks everyone who has reviewed this story. Please keep reviewing and I will keep writing...**

**Oh yeah I am not for sure what I am doing with the whole Brandon story line but I figured it would give the story a little something new... Let me know what you think...**


	4. Last night in Paris

**Chapter Four**

_Derek got up and dressed for work he hadn't sleep well and kept dreaming of Meredith all night. He walked out of his trailer and headed to the hospital. It was once again raining in Seattle. For the first time in awhile he didn't care about the rain he was happy let it pour down on his head he needed the rain. Once at the hospital he got onto the elevator and came face to face with Christina. Christina looked at Derek he looked awful and she finally felt guilty that she hadn't told him where Meredith was at._

"_She went to Paris. She had bought the tickets for the both of you but then she found out about Rose and decided to go by herself. She was so hurt Derek and by the way you look you are in just as bad of shape." Christina looked away she couldn't believe that she had told him after promising Meredith she wouldn't._

"_Seriously she went to Paris alone? When is she coming back?"_

"_She was only going for two weeks so she should be back next weekend."_

"_Thanks Christina I appreciate it so much" Derek was relieved to know where Meredith was at._

"_Whatever, just you better take this time to get your life in order if you want her back." Christina got off the elevator and headed off to the locker room._

_Derek knew he wouldn't be able to get a hold of Meredith but he felt a huge boulder lift off of his shoulder knowing where she was at. Now he only had to wait until she returned. Hopefully she would return with arms wide open. _

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Meredith was having the time of her life. Every second that she spent with Brandon was a little piece of paradise. He was wonderful no complications just pure fun. Maybe that was the problem with her relationship with Derek they stopped having fun. They were both to wrapped up in their own lives and problems to have fun with each other. Or maybe they were just not meant to be. She couldn't believe that her two weeks were almost over. The sad part was that she didn't want to leave she wanted to stay.

"_Meredith what are you thinking about?" Brandon asked as he pulled her hair away from her face._

"_Tonight is our last night together. I hate the thought of leaving Paris, of leaving you." _

"_You don't have to go you could stay."_

"_I wish it was that easy. If it were I would definitely stay. The only problem with staying is that I would once again be running away. I want to finish my residence in Seattle. You never know though I could come back once I am done."_

"_I hope you come back. In the mean time I could come and see you."_

"_Seriously you would come to Seattle for me? I would love for you to do that. I would show you all of the sights and take you to Joe's for a shot of tequila."_

"_Okay as soon as I get a break I promise to come and see you."_

_Meredith and Brandon kissed and sat in the lobby into the early morning. Life was grand. She was finally happy and relieved that she had found someone who would make her happy._

**Thanks for all of the reviews and I am terrible sorry that this chapter is so short but stay tuned there will be more.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

**Read and review please...**


	5. coming home

Chapter Four

_It was the day; the day that he had been waiting on for two weeks. He couldn't believe that he may finally see Meredith today. He was so excited that he arrived at the hospital two hours before his shift. _

_Izzy and George walked into the hospital together and saw Christina as soon as they walked into the hospital._

"_What time do you have to get Meredith?"_

"_Crap I need to go now her plane comes in at 10." Christina ran to the locker room and threw her stuff in her locker. She was about to get on the elevator when Derek yelled for her._

"_Christina what time does Meredith's plane come in?" he asked._

"_I am actually leaving right now. The airplane should be there by 10. That is if there is no delay." Christina answered._

"_I would love to be there when she gets off the plane. Would you mind if I rode with you?"_

"_Look Derek I don't think that would be a great idea. I haven't even talked to her since she left and she doesn't know that you and Rose are not together. She will be back to work tomorrow why don't you wait until then to talk to her okay." Christina got on the elevator._

"_Your right."_

"_Of course I am right. That's why I am her person." The elevator closed. Derek didn't know if he would be able to wait one more day to see her. To much could happen in one day especially if you happen to be Meredith Grey. But he would give her a chance to see all of her friends tonight. He began to walk away when Izzy stopped him._

"_Hey Derek I am sure you know that Meredith is coming home today. We have planned a surprise party for her this evening around 9 if you want to come." _

"_I would love to come but are you sure Meredith wants a party I mean we are talking about Meredith."_

"_Come on Derek I know that she would like to drink some tequila with all of her friends. Plus it's only going to be a small crowd. I know not to have a lot of people. Crowds are definitely not Meredith's thing."_

"_Okay I'll see you tonight then." Derek's pager went off and he quickly ran off._

_Meredith sat on the plane thinking of today's events. Brandon didn't want her to leave and part of her wanted to stay but she knew she had to get back to Seattle. He had promised to call everyday and that he would come see her. She promised if he came to see her she would show him all the great spots plus take him to Joe's where you could always grab a shot of tequila. She had definitely enjoyed the time she got to spend with Brandon and had realized while she was away that she was finally over Derek Shepherd and that when she saw him with Rose she wouldn't cry or be upset. She closed her eyes and fell asleep she still had a long ways to go and figured she may as well catch some sleep now. She couldn't wait to see Christina and tell her all about Brandon. Paris was well worth the trip._

_Christina stood at the gate awaiting Meredith's plane she was happy that she was coming back today. It had been a long two weeks at work with out her George, Alex, and Izzy totally irked her nerves. She hated the fact that she told Derek where Meredith was at but knew the pain that he was experiencing since she had just went through the same ordeal with Burke. Christina turned around when she heard Meredith yell her name._

"_Oh my Christina how I have missed you." Meredith pulled Christina in for a hug._

"_What the hell Mer you have only been away for two weeks and I still hate hugs." Christina started smiling as she pulled away._

"_So how was the trip?"_

"_Oh you would not believe how much better I feel."_

"_Meredith Grey you met someone."_

"_What are you talking about Christina?"_

"_Don't you dare try to act innocent. I am not blind I see the smile on your face so tell me all about him."_

"_Okay, Okay his name is Brandon and he was my tour guide. We didn't do anything we just had fun. You know I haven't had that much fun since I first met Derek. It was refreshing not having to worry about relationship drama. You know just to be myself and not trying to fix myself for someone."_

_Christina couldn't believe it her person was actually happy she hadn't been happy in some time. "Oh crap." she thought._

"_Mer uh about Derek."_

"_No Christina can we just go a little while longer without talking about him. He is out of my head for once and I am not ready to put him back in."_

"_But Mer." _

"_No as my friend you have to let it go for now. Tell me later okay."_

"_Okay if you say so."_

_Christina and Meredith walked out of the airport and headed for Christina's car. They drove home talking all the way about Paris. When they got home Meredith went upstairs to take a nap while Christina headed back to work._


	6. Tequila Time?

**Chapter Five**

_Derek sat in his trailer trying to relax before he went over to see Meredith. He was so excited to see her. It seemed like she was gone for months. There was no way he would be able to spend a lifetime without her when he couldn't bear to spend two weeks without her. He thought of the words he would say to her over and over again in his mind but no words would do justice. He knew he had hurt her but hoped with all of his heart that he could make it up to her once again. The only problem with once again was that it was once again. He always pushed her away when she finally came closer to him. He couldn't figure out why he always blamed her when he was always the one to do the pushing. He remembered all the times she had went to her friends when things were bad and how mad it had made him. He had wanted her to come to him. Now he realized why she hadn't she was never convinced that he wouldn't push her away._

_He would live each day making up for the past if she would only forgive him. He could only imagine the pain she must have felt over in Paris. He imagined her in the hotel room all alone and miserable. He could have been there with her they could have had fun but no he messed up. _

_He stood up and quickly got into the shower it wouldn't be long now and he would be holding his soul mate. The woman who completed him on every level of life. _

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* * *

_

_  
Meredith sat in her room talking on the phone to Brandon._

"_I miss you too. So how is the new tourist group. Meet any pretty ladies yet." Meredith started laughing. Izzy walked into the room._

"_Who are you talking to Mer?" Izzy asked as she sat down on the bed._

_Meredith quickly ended the conversation and hung up the phone. _

"_Just a friend. So do you want to tell me what you have planned for tonight?" Meredith knew Izzy was up to something and was determined to figure out what it was._

"_Nothing just go in and get a shower. Oh yeah make sure you look stunning." Izzy said as she walked out of the room. _

_Meredith figured Izzy was having a party so she went and got into the shower. She was so happy and didn't want to yell at Izzy for planning a party. Her friends loved her as much as she loved them. Even if Izzy was sometimes a little too much she knew that she was only looking out for her. When Meredith finished in the shower she went into her room and found the perfect blue shirt to go with her blue jeans. She quickly got dressed and curled her hair. She wasn't the one for makeup so she put on a little lip gloss and headed down stairs._

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* * *

_

Christina was always late and tonight was no exception she was trying to hurry so she could tell Meredith about Derek but knew she wouldn't make it in time. Of course she was right by the time that she got to the party Meredith had done five shots of tequila and was dancing on the living room stand. She looked around the room but didn't see Derek. Maybe he wouldn't come and she would be able to wait until tomorrow to tell Mer.

"_Christina get up here girl and dance. The party just got started." Meredith shouted._

"_Okay whatever you say." Christina got up on the stand and took the tequila and took a big slurp._

"_So how are you feeling Meredith?" Christina asked when they finally got down off the stand._

"_Terrific there is nothing that can ruin my mood tonight."_

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* * *

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Derek stood there for the longest time watching her. She seemed so different and full of life. The trip to Paris changed her somehow and he just couldn't figure out how. She was so beautiful he had always loved watching her dance. He wanted to walk up to her but for the first time in a long time he was scared, afraid she would throw something at his head. He had a lot of explaining to do but before he started explaining he had to kiss her those lips were calling out his name. He walked up to her grabbed her hand and pulled her down. He quickly lowered his mouth on hers and began kissing her. Everyone was watching but he didn't care he wanted everyone to see the love that he felt for this woman.

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* * *

_

Meredith was dancing on the table when she felt someone pull her down before she had a chance to register what was going on Derek had reached in and begun kissing her. She wanted to push him away but couldn't it felt so right in that moment to be in his arms kissing him. Then she remembered all the pain they had put each other through and quickly pushed him away.

"_What the Hell Derek. What do you think you are doing?" Meredith asked as she walked away into the kitchen. _

_Derek followed behind her confused when she pushed him away. He had felt her melt under his mouth and yet she pushed him away._

"_Mer stop please. I need to talk to you."_

_Meredith stopped when she reached the kitchen._

"_Fine talk to me. I need to talk to you as well."_

"_Look I am so sorry about Rose. The kiss meant nothing to me. When you left a piece of my heart left with you. I am nothing without you. Do you hear me do you understand nothing without you."_

"_Derek look what we had was wonderful at first. Until we started hurting each other. I am tired of doing this run around game. It's over between us. So go find Rose and try to make a relationship with her because you and I are not going to work."_

"_Dammit Meredith I love you. Don't you see what happened with Rose was a mistake."_

"_No Derek you need to wake up. We have chemistry our bodies work together but nothing else works together. We push and pull each other and one of these days we are seriously going to destroy each other. Lets end this now before that happens."_

"_Meredith Grey I will not end it. I will fight for you forever if I have too."_

"_Derek please move on leave the past in the past. I want to be your friend please let's just be friends. We could try you know for once really try. I just don't want to date anyone right now."_

"_Fine for now we can be friends. Only until you are ready to admit that you love me okay."_

"_Okay whatever you say but remember It will not bother me if you start dating."_

"_I will not see anyone else Meredith I found my soul mate I need no one else." Derek reached down and kissed Meredith on the cheek and quickly left her house._

_Meredith walked around the kitchen after Derek left she would be crazy to deny that the kiss didn't mean anything to her but it had. She had felt every inch of her self melt into Derek Shepherd. Why did he get to her every time she was around him._

"_Hey are you okay?" Christina asked as she walked into the kitchen._

"_Yeah I think so."_

"_I wanted to warn you but couldn't find the right time. He was in pieces when you left it almost destroyed him. You know me I do not like feeling sorry for the man but for some crazy reason I did."_

"_I know Christina I love him so much. But if I get back together with him and he hurts me again I wouldn't be able to come back from it this time. It's not worth the chance of getting hurt again. We have to stay apart even if it means living without the one person that I will love for the rest of my life."_

"_Hey you don't have to convince me I completely understand."_

_Meredith and Christina walked back to the party._


	7. Seattle Grace

**Chapter Six**

_Meredith sat off to see Chief Webber early the next morning. She needed to tell him that she was back and that she was ready to start working again._

"_Good morning Chief."_

"_Oh Meredith it's nice to see you again. How are you feeling? Are you ready to start back up again?"_

"_I am wonderful and definitely ready to return to work. Also I think I am ready to pick my specialty. I want to specialize in Neurosurgery."_

"_That's great Meredith you do realize you will have to work hands on with Dr. Shepherd right. Can you handle that?"_

"_Seriously I think that I can handle it. I had a lot of time to sort out my life and I know what I want. Have you forgotten who my mother was if I could handle living with her I think I can manage Dr. Shepherd."_

"_Did someone say my name." Derek asked as he walked into the Chief's office._

"_Dr. Shepherd Meredith has decided to specialize in Neurosurgery."_

"_That is terrific Dr. Grey." Derek was so happy that Meredith was following in his footsteps plus it meant that they would be spending a lot of time together._

"_Thank you Dr. Shepherd. Now I better get going I have to check on my interns."_

_Meredith walked out of the Chiefs office and headed for the elevator._

"_Mer wait up." Derek yelled as he caught up to her._

_She stopped when she reached the elevator. _

"_I just wanted to congratulate you once again Mer."_

_Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and gave her a quick hug._

"_Dr. Shepherd remember just friends."_

"_Meredith friends do hug don't they?"_

"_Yes but for us it's not such a great idea."_

"_Why because you like my arms around you? Are you afraid of my touch Mer?"_

"_Derek I have never denied liking your touch. Please just friends." Meredith got onto the elevator leaving Derek behind._

_When Meredith walked up to her interns she noticed that they were just standing around. _

"_What is going on here? Is this not a hospital and are you not interns. I believe there are charts to sign and patients to check on. Move now I am gone for two weeks and you guys act like you don't know what your doing."_

"_Having problems with your interns Dr. Grey?" Dr. Bailey laughed._

"_Dr. Bailey I have missed you." Meredith smiled._

"_Dr. Grey do you have nothing better to do than stand here twiddling your thumbs"_

"_I'm going Dr. Bailey."_

"_Oh Dr. Grey it's nice to see you back. Also I heard you picked a specialty congrats." Dr. Bailey walked off._

_Meredith's pager went off and headed to the trauma room. _

"_What's going on?" Meredith asked when she walked into the room._

"_We have a 23 year old female who was in a car accident. She hit her head pretty hard on the steering wheel."_

"_Get a CT scan. Page me when you have the results." Meredith walked out of the room._

_Derek stood at the nurses station reading a patients chart. He had hoped he would run into Meredith but hadn't seen her yet._

"_Excuse me do you happen to know where I can find Dr. Grey?" The floral delivery guy asked._

"_I am not for sure where she is at this moment." Derek answered._

"_Well I have these flowers for her do you think I could leave them here?"_

"_Of course I will make sure she gets them." Derek took the flowers and handed the guy a 20.00 tip._

_Huh who would be sending Meredith flowers Derek thought. He pulled out the card and read the note._

_**I miss you already. Wish you were here**_

_**Can not wait to see you again.**_

_**Keep smiling and know that**_

_**I miss you.**_

_**Brandon.**_

_Who the hell was Brandon and why was he sending Meredith flowers he would definitely have to find out. He was about to put the card back into the flowers when Meredith walked up. _

"_Those are the prettiest Tulips I have ever seen before." Meredith stated._

"_They are for you." Derek answered putting the card in his pocket._

"_You bought me flowers. You remembered that I love tulips. They are beautiful Derek." Meredith was so surprised how incredible sweet that he had bought her flowers. She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Just when I think that you are a lost cause you do something so sweet."_

"_They are just flowers Meredith." he couldn't believe that he was lying to her. He couldn't let her know that this Brandon sent her flowers. Why had he never sent her flowers before. He had to get away from her before she realized that he had lied. He turned to walk away._

"_Derek would you like to go and have a couple drinks at Joe's tonight."_

"_Yes of course that would be nice. I get off around 7"_

"_Okay we could meet over there then." Meredith answered as she walked away._

_He felt so guilty but also excited to get a chance to have a date with her. Maybe he would send her flowers tomorrow._


	8. Joe's Bar

**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's anatomy**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter** **Seven**

_Meredith was about to head over to Joe's when her cell phone rang. She quickly looked at the screen and saw that it was Brandon she didn't want to tell him that she was going to meet Derek so she let the phone go to voice mail. A couple minutes later she walked into Joe's. She immediately noticed Derek sitting at the bar. _

"_Hey" she said as she sat next to him._

"_Hey yourself how was your day?" he asked as he turned toward her._

"_Great thanks again for the flowers." she said as she kissed his cheek_

"_No problem. Uh Mer there is something that I should tell you." she took a drink of her tequila and looked over at him._

"_Never mind no use in spoiling a perfect evening." Derek said._

"_Okay, I am glad that we are able to be friends Derek." Meredith said as she smiled at Derek._

_They sat the bar for the longest time when Meredith started to yawn._

"_I think I better be going home. I am really tired." she said as she stood up._

"_Can I drive you home?" he asked hoping she would agree._

"_Yes I think that would be a good idea." she said as they walked outside._

_He helped her in the car and they drove home._

"_I had a great time Meredith." he said when he helped her out of the car._

"_I did too." _

_Derek reached for her arm and pulled her. He stared into her eyes for the longest time and then kissed her. It was so nice to feel her lips again he had almost forgotten about the lie he had told her. When the kiss ended they stood staring at one another._

"_I love you Meredith."_

"_I know Derek and I love you too. I'm still not ready though please just give me some time." she explained._

"_Meredith I understand that you need time and I am willing to give you time. Please don't see anyone else though it would kill me."_

"_Derek I need to tell you something."_

"_What?"_

"_When I went to Paris I met someone. We are not dating we are just friends. He helped me get over the pain that you caused though. I need you to understand that for the first time in a long time it felt nice to have someone that didn't push me so hard; someone who I was able to just relax around."_

_Derek felt the anger build up in himself. "Brandon? That is who got you the flowers." he hadn't meant to say it but knew that it was to late to take it back._

"_What flowers? Are you telling me that those flowers were from Brandon and not you? Did you lie to me?" she yelled_

"_Meredith I am sorry it was a mistake. Please understand this I love you and I was afraid when I saw that someone else was sending you flowers." he explained_

"_Seriously, once again you lie to me. Once again I trust you and actually think that you are capable of changing and you are lying the whole time." she started to walk away._

_Derek grabbed her arm "It's not like that Meredith I have changed. I was just angry."_

"_Well guess what I am angry to now. You lied and once again we are back at the beginning. I am never going to be able to trust you. You will always be the same. Leave me alone I am finally done. I am not trying anymore. I will move on and I suggest you do the same." she opened her door._

"_I will not lose you Meredith. I promise you that it is not over." he yelled as he walked back to his car._

"_It is so over Derek." she yelled before slamming the door._


	9. Mistakes

**MISTAKES**

_Derek slammed the door to his trailer frustrated over the events that had taken place with Meredith. He had really messed up this time and had no clue how to fix the mistake. He loved her so much but he was not going to share her with anyone not even this punk Brandon. Who did this guy think he was trying to steal away the love of his life. Who was he kidding he had pushed Meredith away and now he was standing in his empty trailer alone with no one to blame but himself. He walked into his room and threw himself down onto his bed. He had one good thing going for him that this Brandon didn't have he was here in Seattle and Brandon was all the way over in Paris. He still had a chance._

* * *

_Meredith sat on her bed angry at the lies that once again Derek had told her. She never doubted him for a minute she had actually thought that he had changed. What a mistake that was now she was once again angry and hurt. She didn't want to yell at him but she couldn't take the lies. Why hadn't he told her the truth she would have been proud of him for being truthful. She picked up her cell phone and punched in Brandon's number._

"_Hey I just wanted to thank you for the flowers."_

"_Your welcome. Hey Meredith I was wondering if the invitation may still be open for me to come and see you." Brandon asked._

"_Seriously, you want to come and see me?" she asked shocked._

"_Would that be alright? I thought that maybe I could uh there in a couple days. So what do you think?" he asked._

"_That would be great. I would love to see you. I wont be able to get a lot of time off of work though." she was excited that he was going to visit._

"_Okay then I guess I am coming to Seattle. I have to go but I will call you soon." he said as they ended they said their goodbye's. _

_Meredith hung up excitedly she couldn't believe that he was going to take the time and come all the way to see her. She felt special for the first time in a long while. Though part of her felt guilty like she was somehow letting Derek down. She quickly wiped the thought from her mind Derek had his chance he blew it. They didn't work together it was better to let their relationship end now._

* * *

_Brandon sat in his kitchen chair thinking of Meredith he couldn't believe that he was falling in love with her. She was everything he had ever wanted in a woman. He wanted her in his life and would do anything to keep her there. He only hoped that he wasn't making a mistake in perusing her so intensely he definitely didn't want to scare her away. _

* * *

_Meredith walked into the kitchen and inhaled the aroma of the famous Izzy muffins. "Smells great Izzy what's the occasion? Or are you fighting with George?" Meredith asked picking up a muffin._

"_I was in the mood plus I had nothing to do." she answered as she sat next to Meredith at the table._

"_So how was McDreamy tonight?" she asked as she picked up a muffin._

"_Oh Izzy he once again lied to me. He gave me flowers today and had me convinced that he got them for me. Guess what it was a lie Brandon sent me the flowers." she sighed feeling exhausted._

"_I'm sorry Meredith why did he lie?" she asked knowing the reason._

"_He was jealous I guess. I don't know Iz just when I think that he is changing he does something like this. What am I supposed to do?" she cried._

"_Look Meredith we are all human and we tend to make mistakes once in awhile. The only thing that you need to think about is whether or not you can forgive him. If you really love him like I know that you do you may have to forgive and forget. Think of it this way can you see yourself without him? How about this Brandon guy do you feel the same way about him? Cause if you don't then you need to fix things with Derek." she explained._

"_I wish it was that easy Iz. It's so hard for me to trust and I am so afraid. I do love him and I know that he is the one I could never love anyone the way that I love him. It's just to complicated and with Brandon there is no complications. I just don't know." she laid her head onto the table._

"_I'm sorry Meredith I didn't mean to make you upset. Just remember true love is never easy there will always be bumps in the road but with time and love you can work on it to make it perfect." she squeezed Meredith's hand and left the table._

_

* * *

_

_Meredith sat at the table thinking about what Izzy had said. She was right she loved Derek she had to learn to trust him. She wanted to be apart of his life. She picked up the phone and was about to call him when she changed her mind. She stood up "Why can't he see how much she loves him."_

* * *

_Derek sat at his trailer phone in hand about to call Meredith. He had so many things to say to her. So many apologies that had to be spoken. He was about to call her when he put the phone on the hook. He stood up and punched the wall "damn she will never understand how much he loves her."_

* * *

_**Travis Tritt Foolish Pride**_

_**She stayed up all night and cried into her pillow**_

_**And fought off the urge to just break down and call**_

_**Last night to find the fault seemed so darn easy**_

_**But now whose to blame don't matter much at all**_

_**She thinks if she calls him it just shows weakness**_

_**So the hurt goes on with every tear she's cried**_

_**Ain't it sad to see a good love fall to pieces**_

_**Chalk another heartbreak up to foolish pride**_

_**Turn out the lights the competition's over**_

_**The stubborn souls are the losers here tonight**_

_**And while the bridges burn, another hard-hard lesson's learned**_

_**As through the ashes passion slowly dies**_

_**And this romance goes down to foolish pride**_

_**He relives every word they spoke in anger**_

_**He walks the floor and punches out the wall**_

_**To apologize to her would be so simple**_

_**But instead he cries I'll be damned if I'll crawl**_

_**If he loses her he's lost his best friend**_

_**And that's more then just a lover can provide**_

_**So he wrestles with emotions that defeat him**_

_**Chalk another love lost up to foolish pride**_

_**Turn out the lights the competition's over**_

_**The stubborn souls are the losers here tonight**_

_**And while the bridges burn, another hard-hard lesson's learned**_

_**As through the ashes passion slowly dies**_

_**And this romance goes down to foolish pride**_

_**Chalk another heartbreak up to foolish pride**_


	10. It's over

**IT'S OVER**

**I wanted to thank everyone who has read and reviewed my story. I hope you are enjoying the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

Meredith walked into the hospital the next day hoping that she wouldn't run into Derek. She got on the elevator and just when it was about to close Derek got on. They were alone once again. She waited for him to say something but he only stared at her.

"Look Derek lets not do this. Lets just call this what it is we are over and there is no saving "us" this time.  
We have tried so many times and it's like we keep drowning on dry land. There is no hope not for us anyways.  
You go your way and I'll go mine." she looked at him when she was finished thinking he would fight her.

"Your right Mer we have tried. I have racked my brain thinking of ways to please you. No matter how hard I try I always mess up. So I will let you go this time. I will let you move on because its what you want. I will always love you and I will never find anyone that I could love the way that I love you. I just wish that I could have my heart back because evidently you have it forever." he looked at her and when the elevator opened he got off.

Meredith was in shock she couldn't believe that he had agreed with her. She knew it was for the best but it didn't stop her heart from breaking in a million pieces. What would she do without him? It was finally over and there was nothing left between the two of them. The pain would never go away and she may have his heart but he had her heart as well.

Meredith walked around the hospital that day like a zombie. She had yelled at her interns for all the mistakes that they were making. She never meant to treat them the way she had but she needed to vent and they were her only targets. She was just finishing up her charts when Christina came up next to her.

"What's going on Mer?" she looked worried at her person.

"What do you mean? Nothing is wrong everything is just peachy. I have tried so hard to get over him and I almost made it and then he becomes this incredible person. Just when I think that he changed he let's me know it was all a lie. Of course this morning I thought he would fight for me but no he tells me that he gives up. I wanted him to fight for me. No I take that back I needed him to fight for me to show me that he really cares." Meredith started laughing at the irony of the situation.

"Mer let me get this straight. You tell him it's over and when he finally agrees you get upset? I don't get it." she starts shaking her head.

"I didn't want it to be over. I was just afraid that I would get hurt again so I pushed him away and now he is gone and I am laughing." she laughed so hard it hurt her belly.

"Mer I think we should go to Joe's tonight and get some tequila into your system." Christina stated.

Meredith looked at Christina "I think your right.".

Derek was about to walk up to check on Meredith when he noticed her talking and laughing loudly with Christina. This made him furious how could she be laughing he had been hurting all day disgusted at himself for ending it and she was laughing. "Bitch" he mumbled to himself. He stood there for the longest time.

"Go talk to her" Mark said as he walked up to Derek.

"What?" Derek asked when he heard Mark.

"Well, your standing there looking at her why not go and talk to her." he replied.

"Forget her I am done. Do you want to go over to Joe's tonight?" he asked.

"Hell yeah I miss drinking with my buddy. I get off at seven I'll meet you there okay." Mark said as he walked away.

Derek stood there for the longest time watching the two and finally Christina walked away. Derek knew this was his chance so he walked over to her.

"Meredith what's so funny? I am so glad that you are over me. What did it take a whole second? You are such a BITCH." Derek yelled about to walk away.

"What how dare you talk to me that way. I don't know what your problem is but you need to get over it." she yelled back.

"My problem is you. Don't worry I'm almost over you." he said as he walked away.

"Ass" she thought to herself. What was going on with him now. She wasn't laughing because she was happy she was laughing because she was miserable but she wasn't about to tell him that. She stormed off to finish her day. Excited to go blow off steam at Joe's tonight.

Christina walked out of a patients room and ran directly into Mark Sloan.

"Sorry Dr. Sloan I wasn't watching where I was going." she said as she picked up her papers on the floor.

"That's okay Dr. Yang. Do you have a minute to talk? I need to know what is going on with Derek and Meredith." he asked taking her arm and walking with her into his office.

"Look Dr. Sloan all I know is that when I talked to Meredith today she was so upset she was laughing hysterically. She agreed to go with me to Joe's tonight." she said as she watched the smile come across his face.

"Great Derek and I are going to Joe's as well tonight maybe they will be able to make up tonight." he said smiling for the first time since he ran into her.

"Maybe your right it would be great if they could fix their problems then I wouldn't have to worry about her all the time." she said as she walked out of his office.


	11. Closing the Book

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been R&R. I hope you like the story sorry but I think that the story is headed into a different direction but please read and review and let me know if you still like it...**

**Closing the Book**

Derek was sitting at the bar with Mark when Christina walked in. She walked right up to him.

"Derek you are a complete dumb ass. You had so many chances to make her happy. She would have dropped anything and everything to be with you. But every time that she gives you a little you take that much from her. I don't know how much more she can take. You better fix this make it right or I swear Dr. Shepherd I will ripe your balls off of your body and feed them to the dogs. That is a promise that you can count on." Christina quickly walked away. She was so frustrated Meredith was planning something with Izzy she didn't know what but she was worried about her person. Especially when she was discussing it with Izzy and not her.

_**It wasn't that she hadn't tried she had tried so hard to be with him. There comes a point when you have to close the book and move on. She was ready to close the book and start a new chapter. She was ready to seek help for her problems. She couldn't do that with Derek lurking behind every corner. If she was going to become bright and shiny Meredith she had to let go of him. She wanted to be better for him but she wasn't going to ask him to wait for her. He should have the chance to move on to be happy even if that meant she would be miserable it would be worth it. She had to hurry and find Derek so she could meet Izzy at the house in time. She had already put in for a medical leave at work now all she had to do was cut off all loose ends. She wanted to tell Christina but knew she wouldn't understand. **_

Meredith walked into the bar and headed straight over to see Derek.

"Derek can I talk to you?" she asked when she reached where he was sitting with Mark.

"Of course." Derek said as he stood up.

They walked outside of the bar together.

"Listen Meredith I am so sorry for what I have done. I know I shouldn't have lied to you but I was jealous that this Brandon got to you in a way that I never tried. I was upset earlier at the hospital when I called you a bitch. I was upset because you were laughing and I know now that you were upset as well and I am so sorry." Derek said as he reached for Meredith's hand.

Meredith pulled away and wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I need you to listen to me and do not interrupt what I have to say. I have tried so hard to make our relationship work. You have also I know that. We even tried to be friends and that doesn't even work. I think it is time we close the book finally end the story. There is no way that we can be friends and there is no way that we can be lover's. Your were right this morning I didn't want to believe it not after all that we had been through but there is no denying it anymore. Are story is finished."

Derek grabbed her arm "No Mer it's not over. Listen to me I love you, I was upset this morning and I didn't realize what I was saying."

"No Der you were right for the first time in a long time. We can't keep doing this to each other. We are destroying are lives don't you see. I am broken and you are broken. We break each other we don't complete each other. You have to let go we both have to let go."

She turned to leave but Derek jumped in front of her he had tears running down his face. "Mer please I am sorry I will make everything up to you." he said as he pulled her into him. He ran his hand down her face and gently wiped the tears away. "You are upset right now but we can fix this." he pulled her face in and starting kissing her.

Meredith pulled away "We have tried to fix "Us" since the day we met there is no fixing it. Sure we have awesome chemistry but it's not enough anymore. You deserve more and you want more than I can offer. We both deserve more and I don't think we can give that to one another."

"I love you so much Mer. I promise you now that I will wait for you. Listen to me I won't even bother you at work I will let you have time to get your thoughts together. Please Mer just don't say that it is over." He begged her.

"You love the simple Meredith but I'm not simple I'm dark and twisty Meredith. You could never be happy with her and it is going to take a long time for that Meredith to even show up. Please just let me go consider this your way out. I will always love you never forget that." she finished as she walked away.

"Mer you act like you are leaving. Are you running away again. Are you headed to Paris to be with Brandon is that what's going on? You are going to leave me so you can be with him? He must be a better FUCK than I ever was." Derek regretted his words as soon as they flew from his mouth.

"See this is why we could never work. I don't trust you anymore than you trust me. I am not running away this time Derek. This has nothing to do with Brandon either it's about me. Goodbye Derek." she said as she got into her car.

Derek walked back into the bar and sat down next to Mark. He knew Meredith loved him but couldn't figure out why she was running. She said she wasn't leaving to be with Brandon and he knew he should trust her but he couldn't this time. Not after everything that they had been through she would be crazy to not find someone new who didn't hurt her the way he had.

Derek slammed his fist onto the table.

"What the hell man what's going on" Mark asked.

"It's Meredith she just closed the book on us. She said she wanted me to move on without her that it was for the best." Derek explained.

"So what are you going to do?" Mark asked.

"I am not moving on I'll wait forever if I have to. She's the one for me. I know we have our problems but I love her." Derek said.

"You two definitely have problems but if you love her. If you really love her than maybe you should wait for her. That will show her that she can trust you." Mark said as he stood up to grab a beer.

Meredith pulled into her house and ran inside to find Izzy waiting for her.

"Meredith are you sure. I mean this is a huge step for you. It's not going to be easy and I just want to make sure that you are ready for this. I love you so much Mer and I don't want you to have to go through this alone." Izzy said as she picked up the suitcase.

"I love you too Izzy. You all are my family but I have to do this and I have to do this alone. It will be fine it's time that I took care of this once and for all. I wont have time to worry about being alone this is all about finding myself the bright and shiny Meredith. When I come back that is the person you will see the bright and shiny Mer. Now lets get going before I do change my mind." Meredith and Izzy climb into the car. Meredith looked at the house one last time before Izzy drove away.

Meredith closed her eyes and thought about Derek for the last time.


	12. Mark and Christina

* * *

Brandon stepped off of the plane he was experiencing severe jet lag and he just wanted to find Meredith and go back to her house and crash for a couple of hours.  
He had tried to call her before he got onto the plane but had only been able to reach her voice mail.  
He was not entirely sure where she lived at but knew that she would be at the hospital. He couldn't wait to see her it seemed like years since he had held her in his arms.  
He cared deeply for her but knew that the distance between them would make it difficult for any kind of relationship.  
That was the sole purpose for his trip he wanted to convince Meredith to return to Paris with him.  
They would have a perfect life together and he would make sure that she had her "happily ever after".

Brandon quickly left the airport and jumped into the first cab that he came too.  
"Seattle Grace Hospital please." he told the cab driver as he got in.  
It wouldn't be long and he would be with her and he was determined to never let her go.  
He would make sure that she would be his forever and he would do whatever it took to get what he wanted.

* * *

Across town Derek stood waiting for the elevator he definitely didn't feel like being at work today.  
He didn't get any sleep all night he just kept thinking about Meredith.  
He knew she was upset and that she would avoid him all day but he was determined to make her talk to him.  
The elevator opened and he was shocked to see Mark and Christina in each other's arms.  
"Huh now that's different. Dr. Yang, Mark so how long has this been going on?" he asked.

"I don't know what you are talking about Dr. Shepherd." Christina said as she got off of the elevator.

Derek couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously you are sleeping with Christina?".

"We are not sleeping together. I like her she's different.  
She doesn't expect anything just a decent relationship." Mark said as he smiled thinking about Christina.

"Seriously she is just like Meredith she is complicated. If I were you I would run now while you have the chance." Derek said.

"Huh and you wonder why Meredith left you." Mark said as he walked off of the elevator.

Derek stood there in shock he couldn't believe that Mark actually had feelings for Christina.

* * *

Mark walked down the hall looking for Christina.  
He didn't care what Derek said he liked Christina she was different and kind of like he was.  
He wouldn't be like Derek he wouldn't mess things up. He spotted her sitting at the end of the hallway.

"Hey Chris I know you didn't want Derek finding out about us and I am sorry that he found out." Mark said as he stood over Christina.

"I would have liked the chance to tell Meredith before she found out from Derek.  
I have looked for her all day. She is definitely not here. I haven't seen her since yesterday when she was talking with Izzy." Christina sighed.

"She has to be here why don't you go and ask Izzy?" Mark said as he sat down next to her.

"Seriously I couldn't ask Izzy.  
I should be the one that everyone comes to when she is missing.  
I am her person and she disappeared this time without even saying anything.  
Yesterday it pissed me off to see her talking to Izzy when she should be talking to me." Christina stood up about to run off when Mark reached for her arm.

"Your jealous that she went to Izzy." Mark laughed.

"I'm not jealous I just need my person. She is the only one that gets me.  
I thought the feeling was mutual but I guess not." Christina replied.

"Look Chris maybe she figured she has leaned on you one to many times.  
Maybe she wanted to lean somewhere else this time."

"Whatever I don't care." Christina said as she walked off.

* * *

Izzy ran into the hospital she was running late after dropping off Meredith.  
She stood at the elevator thinking back to yesterday's events.

_She had just finished up her surgery and went into the locker room to get dressed. She could here someone crying in the shower so she walked over._

"_Who's in there?" she asked._

"_Izzy, Izzy" Meredith cried._

_Izzy opened the shower and Meredith walked out with tears running down her face. She quickly handed her a towel._

"_Whats wrong Meredith?" she asked_

"_I'm broken I thought that I was better. I thought that I didn't need him but I do and I don't." she cried._

"_Who Dr. Shepherd?" she asked._

"_Yeah I just I need help Izzy.  
I am tired, tired of the pain, tired of this gray cloud. I want to be this shiny person but how.  
Especially when every time I think that it's going to be okay it's not.  
HELP ME IZZY!!" she yelled._

"_I will help you Meredith.  
I know what you need to do but first you have to tell Derek good bye and then you have to trust me.  
I can help you but you have to be willing to get help.  
I know what it's like when you hit rock bottom but the only way to climb back up is by wanting to climb.  
It's not going to be easy but you can do it." Izzy said as she wrapped her arms around Meredith._

The elevator opened and Izzy jumped on.  
She had to keep this a secret for now she couldn't tell anyone not yet not until she knew it would be okay.

* * *

Brandon stood outside of the hospital this was it now or never he thought as he walked in.

**

* * *

**

**a/n: okay so I know everyone is wondering where Meredith is at trust me you will find out soon. Stay tuned.**

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed the story I hope you are enjoying it.**


	13. Let the anger begin

Brandon walked into the hospital he couldn't believe that the woman he loved saved lives. She was so amazing everything about her screamed amazing. He couldn't wait to see her to see the shocked look on her face when she saw that he had come to see her. He waited for the elevator and when it opened he jumped on. He was the only one on the elevator and quickly punched the button for the third floor. Where he hoped he would find her. The elevator stopped at the third floor and he quickly got out and headed over to the nurses station.

Derek stood at the nurses station reading his patient chart he was trying to focus even though he was a million miles away thinking of Meredith. He looked up from his chart and saw a man walk up to the nurses.

"Excuse me I am looking for Dr. Meredith Grey. Is there anyway you could page her for me?" Brandon asked.

Derek looked at the man and began to get angry wondering what this guy wanted Meredith for. "It's okay Nancy I will help him." Derek said as he turned to the man.

"Who are you and what do you want Dr. Grey for anyways." Derek asked.

"My name is Brandon and what I want Dr. Grey for is none of your business." Brandon answered.

Derek was pissed so he had come for her. He knew he would but was shocked that Meredith hadn't went to him. He clenched his fist and pulled back and hit Brandon on the face.

Brandon quickly caught himself from flying backwards he was about to retaliate when someone came between the two.

"What is going on in my hospital? You two follow me to my office." Chief Webber said ushering Derek and Brandon to his office.

They both followed knowing that they were in trouble. Derek didn't care he wasn't about to let some guy come in and take the love of his life away from him over some stupid mistakes that he had made. He loved Meredith more than anything and he was determined to fix their problems even if she didn't want it fixed.

"So would you two like to tell me what is going on?" Chief asked when they reached his office.

"Excuse me sir I came here to find my friend Meredith Grey and this guy attacked me for no reason." Brandon said rubbing his jaw.

"Derek is this true?" the Chief asked looking concerned.

"I'm sorry it's been a long day and I haven't been able to find her all day." Derek said taking a seat.

Brandon looked over at the young doctor and then it all made since "So your Derek? The famous McDreamy? Oh man you are a dumb ass. I heard all about you." Brandon laughed.

"Brandon if you want to be in my hospital for another minute you better keep your mouth shut." Chief Webber advised.

"Yes sir I am sorry. May I go now and look for Meredith?" Brandon asked heading for the door.

"I'm sorry it seems you have made a trip for nothing Dr. Grey is not here." the Chief said causing Brandon to turn around.

"Is she at her house?" Brandon asked.

"No I'm sorry son she is away she won't be back for quit awhile." the Chief answered sadly.

"Oh well Damn she knew I was coming why would she leave like that?" Brandon asked a little irritated.

"I am sorry once again I am not for sure why she wouldn't have called you but I can reassure you that she is not here and will not be back for quite some time." the Chief said as Brandon turned towards the door.

"Well thanks anyways I guess I better be going." Brandon said as he quickly left the office.

Derek sat there in shock where could she be and why did she leave. "Chief where is she at?" Derek asked a little concerned.

"I'm sorry Derek I am not allowed to tell you that." the Chief said as he started picking up some of his paper work off of his desk.

"You have to tell me. I need to know please." Derek pleaded.

"I'm sorry maybe she'll call you until then I am not allowed to tell you." he said looking down at his desk.

Derek stood up and left the office. Someone in this hospital had to know where she was and he wouldn't stop until he found out. Though he did feel a little relieved that Brandon didn't know where she was at either.

Derek walked down to the cafeteria looking for her friends he quickly spotted them sitting at their usual table.

"Where is she?" he asked looking at Christina.

"Are you talking about Meredith? Because if you are I have no clue maybe you should ask Barbie. She is the one who has been plotting with her lately." Christina said with anger in her voice.

"She isn't here I just talked to the Chief and she isn't coming back for awhile. Where could she have gone." Derek asked.

"I don't know I told you. I didn't even know she was planning on running away again. She just got back how could she just leave like that." Christina said as she stood up to throw away her garbage.

Derek stood there for the longest time and then quickly walked off in search of Dr. Stevens.

He finally spotted her in the Pitt.

"Dr. Stevens may I have a word with you?" Derek asked reaching for her arm.

"Dr. Shepherd if this is about Meredith I am busy." she said about to pull away.

"Where is she at. Please tell me." Derek pleaded.

"I'm sorry I don't know where she is." Izzy answered.

"Your lying and I can tell. You have to tell me please?" he begged.

"Actually no I don't have to tell you. I don't owe you anything and she definitely doesn't owe you anything. Look what you have done to her. You are no better than her mother or father you pushed her just like they did so many times. So once again I do not know where she is." Izzy said storming off.

Derek stood there knowing that she knew where Meredith was at and he would find out eventually if he had to make her life a living hell he would. He would not lose Meredith.


	14. Paradise?

Paradise?

Meredith arrived at the healing spa and had just dropped off her belongings in her room when the phone in her room started to ring.

"Hello" she said after picking up the phone.

"Dr. Grey your first session with Dr. Donelle is in five minutes." the lady said.

"Oh alright I will be right down thank you." Meredith said as she hung up the phone.

Well it was time to start her therapy sessions she was so scared but Izzy told her that she had come here

after giving her daughter up for adoption. She trusted Izzy and she wanted to be whole and healed for Derek and the only way to accomplish that was by seeking help.

Meredith walked down the grand stair case. She arrived at Dr. Donnell's office but was scared to go in. She slowly started breathing and walked into his office.

"Dr. Grey I am so glad that you have decided to come here. Dr. Stevens called and told us what a wonderful person you are." Dr. Donnell said as he ushered Meredith inside.

"Sit down please and you can start telling me all about yourself and why you decided to come here." he said as he took his seat.

Meredith sat down "Look I hate talking about my problems it's not exactly something I do everyday so this thing that works so well for most people its going to take me awhile." she said breathing out.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what" she answered a little confused.

"Why do you not like talking about yourself and your problems?" he asked again.

"I can fix my own problems and I don't like anyone feeling sorry for me. You know with the crazy mother, and the father that didn't stick around. How they both hated me and how my mom wanted to abort me." she rambled.

"So you don't like talking about yourself yet in less than five minutes I have learned that your mom is crazy. Your dad left you and your mom didn't want to have you. I would say that we have already made some progress. So tell me did your mom make you think your problems were not worth recognizing? Is that why you don't like talking about them?" he asked.

"I remember one day when I was like 9 I ran home from school crying because some girl had taken my lunch money and I was so upset so of course I told my mom. She looked at me and told me that I was a big girl and I needed to act like one. She said she didn't have time to solve my problems and stop feeling sorry for myself because she would never feel sorry for me." Meredith started to laugh.

"Ouch that was pretty mean coming from your mom." he said.

"Yeah but she was right you know after that day no one took my lunch money. I learned to be a big girl." Meredith said.

"So you stopped telling her your problems from that day on?" he asked.

"No, when I was 15 there was this boy his name was Brad Neil he was so cute and we started dating. It was my first relationship. I was so in love until he came to school one day and broke up with me. I went home that day and went straight up to my room. I was heartbroken. My mom came up to my room and saw that I was crying. She sat down on my bed and acted like she was concerned so I told her what had happened." Meredith said.

"What did she say to you?" he asked.

"I'll never forget her words. "Seriously Meredith you are crying over a boy? Here I thought that I was raising you to be extraordinary and to not need a man to make you happy." she stormed out of my room. That was the last time I ever told her my problems. I realized that it was better to solve my own problems. With the help of tequila of course." Meredith laughed.

"What do you mean tequila?" he asked.

"Well shortly after storming out of my room my mom went back to work. So I went downstairs and found a bottle of tequila and started drinking it. Ever since when problems come my way I down a bottle." Meredith admitted.

"So tequila is your way to get away instead of dealing with your problems? You avoid your problems don't they still catch up to you?" He asked.

"Of course that's why I'm here." she answered.

"So there is no one that you talk to?" he asked.

"Well, that's not entirely true when Derek and I started dating. I started opening up to him and then he had a wife and he left me. When he came back I was afraid of losing him so I stopped telling him my problems. Of course that didn't work because he left me anyways." she explained.

"So it's you and tequila?" he asked.

"Most of the time except for Christina she's my person." Meredith answered.

"Tell me about her." he asked.

"Well, there's not a lot to tell she is like me. Dark and twisty and afraid of commitment. Of course I thought her relationship was going to work for once the fairy tale would come true. Burke left her at the altar he realized she was dark and twisty and he left." she cried.

"Did that change your relationship with Derek?" he asked.

"Yes I figured if Burke would leave Christina than there was no hope for me and Derek." she replied.

"Okay we are going to stop for now. In the mean time I want you to start writing in a journal all about your feelings and think about your dad and the role he played in your life." he said as he stood up to walk Meredith out of the room.

"I'll try I am not one to write but I will try. I am trying to get all of this off of my chest." she said as she walked out of the office.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning Meredith okay." he said as he walked back into his office.


	15. Faith in me, Faith in you

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and to everyone who is worried about Brandon the story with him is not over yet. Please keep reading and reviewing. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.**

**Keep the Faith**

Mark and Christina were driving home after a long day at the hospital. He looked over and noticed Christina looking out the window.

"Chris are you okay?" he asked knowing something wasn't right but not wanting to push the matter.

"I'm worried about her you know? I hate being in the dark about my person. She's my person not Izzy's." Christina said sadly.

"Go over and ask her Chris. Stop tormenting yourself. You can drop me off at your apartment and then you can go talk to her." he said.

"No I don't want to drop you off. I want you to go with me." she said looking at Mark.

"Seriously, you want me to go with you? I thought you didn't want anyone to know." he said shocked that she needed him.

"Well, I don't want everyone to know yet. I need you there to keep me from killing Barbie." Christina laughed.

"Okay I'll take you over." he said turning the car around. He headed towards Meredith's house.

"I don't know why she didn't tell me she was leaving." Christina mumbled to herself.

Mark pulled up to Meredith's house and got out of the car. He walked over to open Christina's door knowing that she needed a little push to go inside.

"Okay lets do this." Christina said as she got out of the car.

They walked into the house and found Izzy baking in the kitchen.

Christina didn't waste any time. "Barbie where's Meredith at. Don't you dare tell me that you can't tell me either. I am her person and I need to know." Christina yelled.

"She told me that you would be over. She left a letter for you." Izzy said as she reached into her pocket to pull it out.

"She left me a letter and you are just now giving it to me? Seriously Barbie you are messed up." Christina said reaching for the letter.

"Christina she told me to wait until you came to me." Izzy explained handing the letter to Christina.

Christina looked at Mark "I'm going to go up stairs to read this okay?" she said as she headed up to Meredith's room.

"So what's up with you and Christina?" Izzy asked after Christina left the room.

"You better stick to baking and stop asking questions that do not obtain to you." Mark answered knowing that Christina wouldn't want him broadcasting there relationship.

Christina sat down on Meredith's bed and opened the letter.

_**Dear Christina,**_

_**I am sorry that I left once again. I am sorry that I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell you before I left but I have burdened you enough lately. I am so messed up and I need help. I am in love with Derek and always have been. It's just that I have to get fixed somehow before I can fall back into his arms. I know this sounds crazy and you are probably laughing at me. It's the truth though. I am no good for anyone right now not even my patients. I want to be the best surgeon and right now with the way my life is headed that's not going to happen. I am dark and twisty and that has to change. I know what you are thinking why I am I doing this for a man. The truth is I am doing this for myself. Izzy told me about this healing spa which is supposed to help heal and at the same time give a person a chance to relax. I need this Christina and I need you to forgive me. I love you and I know you don't like the mushy things but that is the truth you are my person and no one will ever take your place. Please keep this in confidence I don't want the whole hospital to know that I am crazy. Also I wanted to take the chance to tell you congrats on the relationship. Yes I know about Mark and I am so happy for you. Give this relationship a chance Chris he could be good for you. Do not be afraid to let people know about him. Since I already know you can tell everyone now. I love you and if you need someone to talk to you can tell Mark where I am at. Please don't tell Derek though not yet. Keep him away from the scrub nurses though make sure he waits for me. I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my life.**_

_**Love ya.**_

_**Meredith**_

_**P.S. I'll be back in two weeks I promise...**_

Christina closed the letter and wiped the tears from her eyes. She walked into the bathroom to clean her face. She didn't want anyone to know that the letter had made her cry.

She walked downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Mark are you ready?" she asked.

"Of course." Mark said as he stood up.

"So Christina what's up with you and Mark?" Izzy asked looking at the two of them.

She was about to tell Izzy to stay out of her life when she remembered what Meredith had said in the letter. "We are dating." Christina said as Mark looked at her in shock.

Christina walked to the door and waited for Mark to follow her.

They drove to her house in silence. When they reached her apartment Mark turned off the car and looked at her. "So we are telling now?" he asked.

"Yes we are. Meredith knows about us and now I am ready to tell everyone." Christina answered.

"So where is she?" he asked.

"Listen Mark I need you to promise that you will not tell Derek." she exclaimed.

"Okay I promise." Mark answered.

"She went to a healing spa she wants to be all bright and shiny. She knows the only way to do that is by getting help. She loves Derek and she wants us to make sure he waits for her. Though she doesn't want him to know where she is at yet." Christina exclaimed.

"So keep Derek away from the nurses? I can do that. I'm glad she's getting help." he said as he went to get out of the car.

* * *

Across town Derek sat at his trailer wishing that he could get a hold of Meredith. He wanted to find her but not one of her friends would tell him where she was at. He was about to go to bed when his cell phone went off. He got up to answer it and looked at the screen it was her. He quickly answered the phone excited to finally talk to her.

"Meredith" he said when he answered the phone. She didn't say anything.

"Mer where are you at?" he asked after the silence continued.

"I...just had to hear your voice. I love you Derek." she said.

Derek was about to tell her that he loved her as well but the line went dead. He was upset that she had hung up but also relieved to know that she still loved him. He had faith for the first time in days he knew that she would come back to him. They would be together soon he had to keep the faith. Wherever she was at she wasn't ready to tell him. Soon she would tell him.


	16. Dear Derek

**Dear Derek**

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. I like to post when I get reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't worry we will find out what Brandon has been up to soon...**

Meredith held her phone she had to hear his voice. She couldn't go another day without speaking to him. She dialed his number hoping he wouldn't pick up.

"Meredith" he said. She wanted to talk to him but couldn't find the words to say. So she remained silent.

"Mer where are you at?" Derek asked.

She couldn't take the silence another minute. "I...just had to hear your voice..I love you Derek." she said as she hung up the phone. She had to hang up she couldn't talk to him until she was ready. Until she was all bright and shiny again.

She took out her journal and began writing.

_**Dear Derek,**_

_**My counselor has suggested that I keep a journal. I am not one who like to write Dear Diary so I decided that I would write you. Maybe one day in the near future I will let you read all of my thoughts and problems. We have been through it all. I wish I could laugh looking back on all of our memories but unfortunately I can not laugh. It makes me want to cry. See Derek you are the one my love, my soul mate. I believe we were meant to be. I messed it up though so many times I have hurt you. All you wanted was me to lean on you. I couldn't do it I figured if I leaned to much that it would be to much for you to carry. Sometimes my problems are to much for me to carry. You know my mom it was so difficult be raised by someone who saw you as a constant mistake and burden. I was afraid that would be how you would see me. As a mistake and a burden. So I pulled away. Okay well I am going to stop for tonight. My eyes are getting tired and they are full of tears. I love you Derek Shepherd always have and always will.**_

_**Love**_

_**Meredith Grey...**_

Meredith got into bed she had thought enough for the day. Tomorrow would be a new day. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Derek waited on the elevator. Today he had woken up with a smile on his face. The smile was from the phone call he had received the night before. She had told him the words he needed to hear. She still loved him and that was enough for now. They three simple words would help get him through the day. The elevator opened and Derek stepped on.

Mark and Christina stood on the elevator holding hands. Christina had opened up to him last night and couldn't help but wonder if the letter was the cause. When Derek got on the elevator he had a smile on his face it was the first smile he had wore in days.

"Whats up with you Derek?" Mark asked.

"Nothing why?" Derek asked.

"Dr. Shepherd your smiling. You haven't smiled like that since Meredith left." Christina said.

"Well, I got a call last night. A certain doctor wanted to let me know that she was in love with me." Derek answered.

"What the hell Meredith has only been gone for a couple days. You bastard." Christina yelled.

"Calm down Dr. Yang. The phone call was from Meredith." he answered.

"Seriously, Meredith called you?" Mark asked.

"Yes she did. The phone call only lasted for a minute but she told me that she loves me." Derek said.

"She does love you Dr. Shepherd. Try not to mess it up this time. Stay away from the nurses until she gets back. If you don't I will slice you open." Christina said.

"Don't worry Dr. Yang no one could take her place." Derek said as he got off the elevator.

"I can not believe she called him. Maybe this place will help her after all." Christina said.

"One can only hope." Mark said as they got off the elevator and headed in separate directions.

* * *

George was not one to worry but he couldn't help it. He was worried about Meredith. No one else seemed to notice that she was missing. He had to find out where she was at.

"Izzy I need to talk to you." George said as he pushed her into the on call room.

"What's the problem George?" Izzy asked.

"Where is she? Tell me now." George said.

"Who are you talking about?" Izzy asked.

"Seriously, you know who I am talking about. Damn it Izzy where is Meredith at?" he asked once again.

"Oh Meredith well I can't tell you George. I'm sorry but she's fine." Izzy answered.

"No you don't get to tell me that she is fine. I want to know now where is she at." He yelled.

"Calm down George. She's at a healing spa she wants to be all bright and shiny. I recommended the healing spa. She's fine she'll be back in two weeks. Now do you mind if I get back to work?" Izzy asked as she headed for the door.

"Thanks Izzy." George said.

"Oh and George don't tell anyone okay?" Izzy said.


	17. To hear your voice

**To hear your voice**

Brandon sat in his hotel room alone. He had come all this way to see her and she was gone. She didn't care about him. She only cared about the son of a bitch. She would never care about him. Once again he had been lead on by a beautiful woman.

He wasn't going to let her get away though. He would stay here until she got back. She would see that he was the one for her. She would understand that he would do anything and everything to make her happy. He reached for his cell phone and dialed her number once again. He was sent into shock when she answered the phone.

"Hello" she answered.

"Meredith it's Brandon where are you at? I am here in Seattle to see you." he yelled.

"Oh I am so sorry Brandon. I had something to take care of. I know that I told you to come and I thought that I was ready for a new relationship. I'm not ready I still love Derek. He is the one and I want to make it work with him. I'm sorry but one day you will find someone who makes you happy. I wish that I had met you before I fell in love with Derek. I have to go; take care of yourself Brandon." she said.

"Wait Meredith you can't be serious. He doesn't deserve you. You are confused I will be here when you get back. I will make you see that I am the one for you." he cried.

"No Brandon please go home. I don't want to hurt you but I don't love you. I love him he is the one." she cried.

"I am not going home. You and I have unfinished business and we will finish it when you get back." he yelled as he hung up the phone.

She would see that he was serious. She will not walk away from him. As the old saying goes "If he couldn't have her than no one would have her." he would make sure of that.

Meredith put her phone down shaking her head. Brandon was upset right now but he would be alright. He would go home and find the love of his life. Just like she had with Derek. She was beginning to feel all bright and shiny again. The counseling was going extremely well. She had talked about her dad and how he had left her and never looked back. She had cried last night when she went to bed but felt fresh this morning. She walked out of her room and headed down to her session. Today was a new day and everyday brought her closer to her goal. Before she went inside she dialed his number she needed to hear his voice once again.

"Meredith." he answered.

"Derek how are you?" she asked as she stood outside of Dr. Donelle's office.

"Better now since I get to hear your voice. I lost a patient today." he said.

"I'm sorry Derek. I wish I was there to help you." she said.

"Thanks just hearing you voice helps though. So where are you at Meredith?" he asked.

"I have to go. I'm sorry Derek I will tell you when I get back." she admitted.

"When will that be? I miss you." he asked.

"Three days and I'll be home. I love you Derek Shepherd." she said as she hung up the phone.


	18. The time has come

**The Time Has Come**

"So, do you think that you are ready?" Dr. Donnell asked Meredith.

"That's a hard question. I have learned a lot about myself over the last couple of weeks. When I think about going home it scares me. What if I return and become the same old Meredith. The dark and twisty tequila shooting Meredith. I am afraid." Meredith admitted.

"Thats great Meredith we have made some serious progress. The old Meredith would have said "I'll be fine". I have set you up to see a psychiatrist in Seattle. Don't stop talking that will set you back. Remember you can not do this on your own." Dr. Donnell smiled.

"Thanks I will keep talking. I have so many people that I need to talk to back home. Derek is the first person that I need to see." Meredith admitted.

"What about Brandon? Do you think he meant what he said?" Dr. Donnell asked.

"No he is a sweet guy. I messed up I should have been up front with him. I lead him on I just hope he realizes that I am sorry. I hope that he moves on and finds a woman that he can spend the rest of his life with." Meredith stood up.

"Well, remember if you ever need anything don't hesitate to call. Don't give up keep breathing Meredith." Dr. Donnell stood up and shook her hand.

"I am going to fight this time. I love Derek and I know that I deserve to be happy." Meredith walked out of his office and ran upstairs to get her luggage. She was going home today to the man that held her heart.

Izzy was running late she hated being late. Today was such an important day Meredith was coming home. She ran through the hospital and was about to leave when she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Are you picking her up today?" Christina asked.

"Yes I am late. I am leaving right now." Izzy answered.

"I'm going. Let's go NOW." Christina yelled.

"Okay fine let's go. On one condition though. Your not allowed to call me Barbie." Izzy yelled back.

"Fine no name calling now can we go?" Christina asked.

They ran out and jumped into Meredith's jeep. They were both excited to finally see her again.

Meredith stood outside of the airport waiting for Izzy. The time had finally come to face her fears. She breathed slowly still a little afraid of what tomorrow would bring. The thought of being in Derek's arms once again made the fear not seem quit as fierce. She saw the jeep approaching and took a deep breath.

Izzy jumped out of the jeep and ran over to Meredith.

"How are you feeling?" Izzy asked as she pulled Meredith into a hug.

Meredith enjoyed the hug for the first time in her life. This was her family and she was lucky to have Izzy in her life.

"Uh Meredith I missed you as well but I am definitely not hugging you." Christina laughed as she walked over to Meredith.

Meredith knew Christina hated hugs but she was her person and she couldn't help herself. She quickly pulled Christina in for a hug. "Sorry Christina I couldn't help myself." Meredith laughed.

"Oh come on Meredith." Christina laughed.

"Let's get back to Seattle." Christina said as she got into the jeep.

"I'm driving home." Meredith explained jumping into the driver's side.

They rode home telling Meredith of all the events that had been going on since she was gone.

"So Christina how's Mark?" Meredith asked.

"We are moving in together. He's different you know. He doesn't hover over top of me. He doesn't expect to much from me. I like that." Christina smiled.

"Are you smiling?" Meredith asked after she looked at Christina.

"Shut up Meredith." Christina answered.

"You so have it bad." Izzy laughed.

"I do not he's different. I didn't say that I was in love with him." Christina yelled.

"Your definitely in love. Wow our little Christina is in love." Izzy laughed again.

"Shut up Barbie. So how's Alex Izzy?" Christina asked trying to change the subject.

"He's great and yes I am in love." Izzy laughed.

They arrived back at the house.

"Okay guys I am not staying. I will see you guys later okay?" Meredith said as they got out of the car.

"Be careful Meredith." Christina said. She knew that she was going to see Derek.

"I will I promise." Meredith said before pulling out of the drive way.

"She has changed." Izzy said as her and Christina walked into the house.

Meredith pulled up outside the trailer. Derek's car was sitting in the drive way. She sat there for the longest time. This was it time to put the fear behind her. It was time to move on with the man who completed her every thought. Time to move on with the man who held her heart. She could do this she could move on now with him. Knowing that he would stand by her side for eternity. She got out of the jeep and walked up to the trailer.

**A/N: I hope you are enjoying the story. Read and review...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I am so excited to watch the season premiere on Thursday.**


	19. Don't Let Go

Here to stay

Meredith walked up to the trailer and was about to knock on the door when it opened. Derek stood there looking at her. He had seen her pull up and was waiting for her to walk up to the door. He didn't want to rush her knowing that she would eventually get out of her jeep.

"Your here." he said.

"Yeah I'm here." she answered.

He pulled her into him. He held her not wanting to let go. He feared that if he let her go she would run.

"What are you thinking?" She asked looking up at him.

"If I let go you will disappear." he answered honestly.

"I'm not running away from you Derek. I am here to stay. We need to talk though before anything else can happen." she said pulling away.

"Okay do you want to come inside?" he asked.

"Yes thanks." she said as she walked inside.

Meredith looked around the trailer everything looked the same. She walked over to sit down and that is when she saw the picture. It was of the two of them laughing together. Izzy must have taken the picture definitely something she would have done.

Derek saw her looking at the picture. "That picture got me through on the days when I thought I wouldn't make it without you." he explained.

"I like that picture but the smile I had on was so fake. I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to have a real smile on my face." she cried.

"What would it take to put a real smile on your face?" he asked.

"Having you in my life. Being able to share my dark and twisty past. While moving on to the present. Love isn't hard Derek but we have to make a promise to always be honest." she stated.

"I want to be in your life Meredith. I always have even when you pushed me away." he added.

"Your the reason I left Derek. I knew that I couldn't live my life without you. I also knew that if I didn't get help I wouldn't be fit to be in your life. So I went to this healing spa and everyday I talked about my problems. Now I would like to tell you everything. When I fell into the water I was fighting to stay in control. Then everything from the previous days started racing through my mind. I closed my eyes and for a minute I let go. That's when I lost control and I couldn't fight it any longer.  
While everyone was working to save my life I thought of you. I knew that I had to get back to you. I know that you think that I jumped into that water. You think that you have to breath for me. It's not true I don't need you to breath for me but I do need you to be there for me. I will not always come running to you though sometimes I will go to Christina. That's not because I don't trust you it's because she's my person. I need her just as much as she needs me. When my dad went off on me you stood there. You did nothing when I walked away you tried to stop me. You didn't try to stop him from attacking me. That hurt and I guess that was the point where I gave up and pushed you away. I needed you to take up for me. No one has ever taken up for me. If we are going to do this really do this I need you to be there for me and to take my side." she closed her eyes waiting for him to talk.

"I'm sorry that I accused you of giving up so many times. I'm sorry that I didn't do anything I know now I should have. I love you Meredith and I promise this time will be better. I know that I have caused you a lot of pain. First with the wife you never knew existed. Then I told you that I loved you and wanted you to pick me over Finn. When you picked me I walked away. When I came back I tried to move our relationship on the fast track. When you wasn't ready I moved on with Rose. Then when you came back from Paris I lied to you. I didn't like the fact that you were moving on so I lied. I am so sorry Meredith. I promise I will stand beside you and will always be on your side." he pulled her into his arms and held her there.

Meredith looked up into his eyes. She gently pulled his mouth onto hers. As they kissed she kept thinking to herself that it was a kiss from the movies. A kiss that could last a life time. She gently pulled away.

"I better get home. I love you." she said as she walked to the door.

"Your leaving? I thought that you would stay with me tonight." he said as he walked over to her.

"Your welcome to come along Dr. Shepherd." she said.

"Lead the way Dr. Grey." he laughed as he followed her out the door.

"Let's take my car." he said.

"What about my jeep?" she asked.

"Leave it you can ride with me tomorrow to work. That way we can stay at my house tomorrow night." he said as he opened the passenger side door. Meredith agreed and got into his car.

Derek smiled as they pulled out of his driveway. "So how will your room mates take me coming over tonight?" he asked.

"They will be fine Derek." she laughed.

"Yeah well they don't like me anymore. Especially Christina and Izzy. They think that I am a big screw up." he said.

"They like you it's just that they like me more." she laughed.

"Okay well you have to protect me." he smirked.

"Ha Ha" she laughed. "Derek while was gone I called Brandon. He wasn't to happy with me. I'm not to worried about him. It's just that he was pretty upset. It bothers me that I hurt him. I think he threatened me." she said as she thought back to their conversation.

Derek gripped the steering wheel in anger "Meredith I will protect you from that man. Trust me he will never hurt you."

Meredith looked at his hands gripping the steering wheel "Don't go all psycho Derek. LIke I said I think he was upset. He'll be fine." she said as she looked out her window.

They pulled up to her house. "Are you ready?" Meredith asked knowing that he was nervous.

"Let's do it." he said as they walked up to the house together.

They walked into the house to find Mark and Christina sitting in the living room.

"We thought that you guys may show up. So we decided to wait around." Christina said when they walked in.

"Is everything okay? Where's Izzy and Alex?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah everything is fine. Christina was playing mother hen and wanted to make sure you got home safely. Alex and Izzy went over to Joe's. Derek nice to see you." Mark said.

"So are you guys okay?" Christina asked.

"Yeah we are okay." Meredith said.

"We are more than okay today we are perfect." Derek said as he pulled Meredith down onto his lap. He squeezed her into a hug. "I love this woman and I feel like screaming it from the roof top." he said as he began kissing her.

* * *

Brandon watched the scene between the two couples take place through the window. Tomorrow he would seek his revenge on Meredith Grey. Tomorrow she would be wishing she had never taken that flight to Paris. Tomorrow Derek would be praying that Meredith returned to him.

A/N: Read and review...

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the characters.


	20. Pregnant!

Muffins

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's anatomy or the characters.**

**A/N: Please read and review if you review I will post the next chapter tonight.**

Derek and Meredith walked into the hospital together the next morning. They had spent most of the night talking and making love. They both were smiling like teenagers in love. Meredith couldn't remember the last time that life seemed so real. She knew not to believe in fairy tales that real relationships took time and dedication. She also knew now that she could handle whatever came down on her. Derek was her true love. She squeezed his hand as they got on the elevator. "I love you Dr. Shepherd." she smiled. "I love you Dr. Grey." he said as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

When the elevator stopped Meredith waved a good bye and set off to find the chief.

She found the chief at the nurses station. "Dr. Webber." she said as she stood beside him.

"Dr. Grey it's nice to have you back. You are back right?" he asked.

"Yes thank you. I want to let you know that I appreciate the time that you gave me. I know that I have been difficult the last couple of months. I am ready to do my job." she said.

"Your welcome Dr. Grey. Well go find your interns. I am sure they are ready to have you back." he said as he walked away.

* * *

Meredith walked into the locker room. It had been a long day. Her interns were sloppy. She had yelled at them so many times today that her throat was killing her. She found Christina sitting at the lockers. "Hey what's going on?" Meredith asked sitting beside her.

"I really thought that this time was different. Yet here I sit in the same mess that I was in with Burke." Christina rambled.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked.

"I messed up again. I mean I can not go through this again. I don't know how I let it happen. I am a surgeon not a..." Christina stopped talking.

"What happened? Please tell me I am your person." she said as she wrapped her arm around Christina.

"I'm pregnant Meredith. I can not have a baby right now. I know Mark will not be happy. I'm not even happy. At the same time I am happy. I lost a baby before I don't think I could handle that again. I just don't know what to do. These stupid hormones are making me weak." she cried.

"Christina I know that you are not ready to be a mom. I know you want to be the best surgeon. You could be both. Who knows maybe Mark will like the idea." she said.

"Meredith I don't want to be the best surgeon. I am the best surgeon. I just couldn't keep that title with a baby. Look at your mom she tried it and failed. You are a walking example of why surgeons shouldn't have children." she cried once again.

"Talk to Mark Christina. You have to tell him." she said standing up.

"I know I will tell him tonight." She stood up and wiped the tears out of her eyes.

Meredith walked out of the locker room in search of Derek. She was still smiling even after her conversation with Christina. She walked into Derek's office.

"Hey are you ready?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Mer. I have one more surgery. Could you ride home with Izzy?" Derek asked.

"No she's not ready either." Meredith answered.

"Here take my car home. I will ride with Mark okay?" he asked.

"Okay thanks." she said grabbing the car keys.

"So do you want to stay at the trailer tonight?" he asked.

"Uh can we stay at the house again? Christina and Mark will probably come over." she asked.

"Okay that's fine. I'll see you in a little while. I love you." he said.

"I love you too." she said as she walked out of his office.

* * *

Meredith walked into her house and headed into her kitchen. She was so hungry and hoped that she would be able to find something to eat in the fridge. She was about to open the fridge when she noticed the fresh baked muffins sitting on the counter. She quickly grabbed one and sat at the table to eat it. After finishing the muffin she walked into the living room and decided to take a nap while waiting on Derek. She laid down on the couch and fell right to sleep.

Meredith jumped up off the couch. She suddenly felt sick and had severe belly cramps. She ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach. She tried to get up off of the floor but couldn't get her legs to work. She laid down on the bathroom floor in a fetal position trying to ease the pain. The pain didn't go away and she knew she should call Derek but couldn't move. She closed her eyes and felt her body head into darkness.


	21. Chapter 21

Derek and Mark walked into Meredith's house.

"Meredith where are you at?" he yelled.

When she didn't answer he went upstairs to check on her.

He was about to head into her bedroom when he saw her lying on the bathroom floor. He quickly ran into the bathroom.

"Meredith, Meredith." he tried to wake her up. He touched her arm and realized that she was burning up. "Mark call 911 hurry. Something is wrong with Meredith she's not waking up. She's running a fever. She has a pulse but its weak." he yelled. He gently picked her off the ground and carried her downstairs.

"They are on there way Derek." Mark said as he watched Derek lay her on the couch.

"I don't understand she was feeling fine this morning." he said.

It seemed like forever before the ambulance showed up.

They loaded her unto the stretcher and rushed her to the hospital.

"What happened." the guy asked as he checked her vitals.

"I don't know. I came home from work and found her like that. She hasn't been sick." Derek said.

Dr. Bailey was about to leave when the trauma page came in. She ran out to meet the ambulance.

"What do we have here" she asked.

"It's Meredith. She's burning up and not responding. Her vitals are stable." Derek told her.

"Okay lets get her inside. We'll figure it out from there." Dr. Bailey instructed Derek.

They rushed her inside and hooked her up to the monitors. "We need to break the fever. Derek please wait outside. Don't even try fighting me on this. You are no good to me right now. You can page her friends okay." Miranda told him.

Derek wanted to fight with her but knew better. He walked out and sat down on the floor. Mark walked up to him "I called Christina she's on her way. She's going to get a hold of everyone else." Mark touched Derek's arm. "She's going to be alright Derek." he said.

Christina ran into the hospital and found Mark and Derek sitting on the floor outside of Meredith room. "What the hell happened? She was fine all day." she yelled.

Mark got up and walked over to her "Derek found her lying on the bathroom floor. She's running a fever and not responsive." he told her pulling her into his arms.

"Why is always Meredith? The poor girl can never catch a break." Christina said sitting down next to Derek.

Izzy, George, and Alex walked in next. They didn't say word. Instead they sat down next to Christina.

Dr. Bailey was able to get Meredith fever to break. She was about to give an update when Meredith screamed. She ran over next to her. "Meredith you have to tell me what's going on." she told her.

"Dr. Bailey my belly it's cramping severe." she said before screaming out in pain again.

"What did you eat Meredith?" Dr. Bailey asked thinking it was food poisoning.

"Ouch" she screamed.

"I know it hurts. In order for me to treat you I need to know what you have eaten." she said.

"When I got home I ate one of Izzy muffins. Ouch." she screamed.

They all heard her screaming and jumped off the floor and headed into her room.

Derek ran over to her. "What is going on Dr. Bailey?" he asked squeezing Meredith arm.

"I think she has food poisoning. Izzy what did you put in those muffins?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"I don't know what you are talking about. What muffins?" Izzy asked.

"You did this to her?" Derek yelled.

"No I didn't do this. I didn't make any muffins. Meredith?" Izzy cried.

"Meredith where did you get the muffin?" Derek asked.

"Ouch, Ouch, they were on the kitchen counter." Meredith cried.

"Meredith I didn't make any muffins. I haven't been home." Izzy pleaded.

"Okay we need those muffins. We have to figure now what is wrong with them. Did anyone else make those muffins?" Dr. Bailey asked.

They all shook their heads. "Okay Alex go home and get those muffins. Someone page Dr. Webber." Dr. Bailey ordered.

"Everyone else get out please." Dr. Bailey yelled.

They all walked out of the room. "I swear Izzy if you did this to her." Derek yelled.

"I didn't make any muffins." she said as she fell to the floor crying.

"Let's all calm down." Christina yelled. Meredith had to be okay.

They all sat there listening to Meredith scream out in pain.

Finally after twenty minutes the screams stopped and Dr. Bailey walked out.

"Okay guys we are giving her fluids. I gave her some pain meds for the pain. She is finally sleeping. We have to let the poison run it's course. She is going to be alright though." Dr. Bailey said.

"So what about the muffins?" Derek asked.

"Alex took them to the lab. He found a note inside of the basket though." she said.

"What did the note say?" Derek asked.

"That's the creepy part. I guess it was addressed to her and said something about her feeling the same pain that she had caused him. I don't know anything else Dr. Webber is calling the cops." Dr. Bailey said.

"Someone did this intentionally?" Christina yelled

"Apparently they did." she answered.

"Who?" Izzy asked.

"I don't know. I was hoping one of you could answer that question." she said.

"Oh man Brandon. He did this to her?" Christina yelled once again.

"I will kill him." Derek yelled standing up on his feet. He walked away towards his office. He would find this Brandon.


End file.
